and I spent time around females. Females in big and small groups, and I would say that most women talk behind each other's backs, after they've been nice to their face.
Now, the one issue that came up was age. I was told that the older a lady gets, the less these mean words said by Mean Girls decreases.My un-scientific research says no, and then I see things like this:
Men do it, too, but I haven't seen a movie called Mean Guys, yet.
So, what do you say? Do women say one thing to a woman's face, and another behind their back? My question is why? Most women say that men don't understand them, and if that's true, then why do women fight against other women (who should relate and understand them)?
Here is the book mentioned in the new report (aff link):
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11 comments:
I can't deny it, you're right.
Women definitely do this.
I am all for the sisterhood of women, so I TRY not to talk behind someone's back. And I am definitely not afraid of saying things to someone's face either.
I don't think it is something that will ever go away.
Okay. You are right. Women are catty. Women say nasty things about (sometimes) their own friends. It's a horrifying and embarassing thing to admit. Women do it. I do not gossip and I tend to say whatever I need to say to the person I need to say it to instead of behind their back. But that's me. I was never mean as a girl, and I'm not mean now. I've had moments of saying things that I wans't proud of, but the reality is, saying something behind someone's back does not guarantee they won't find out you said it. It's best to just say it first hand. This right here is the reason I don't watch The BAchelor. I know it's a sorry excuse for an example, but I'm using it. I don't watch The Bachelor because women are awful. They (we) don't do well with competition. So the cattiness gets to me and it makes me question half of the human race. Atleast on The BAchelorette, men are good with competition. It makes them bring their A game. I'm not saying men don't do it too. You said it yourself, they haven't made a movie about it tho. However, men aren't scared to say anythign to eachother, so if they get busted they just have it out. Women...ugh. They hold grudges and make eachother wrong. It's pitiful really. I'm just happy to be beyond that stage in life. And I don't tolerate it with the friends in my life either.
You're right. We guys don't do this. We do lots of stupid stuff but we don't do this.
I have seen no sign that it slows down---maybe even gets worse as we get older
This is SO true! I work in an office full of women, and from my perspective, it gets worse as we get older!!
Sisterhood of women is all a lie. There is no bonding. No unity. No nothing. The older women get the competition for our looks and status symbols is even greater....men have their sports we have everything else to be competitive about.
I have a few friend. Honestly I could count on one hand, and even if I lost a few fingers in a garbage disposal accident. With them, I don't try so hard. I trust. We are not mean at all.
But all the rest? I call them THE MOMFIA. And yes, they will kill if they have to. It is ugly out there.....
(note: I do not comment here because you do not allow name/url.)
Hi Marcy, I've changed the comment settings here to include the 'name/url' choice, and am wondering about all those comments from you I have missed on previous posts from you. Anyway, thanks for letting me know, and your wish is my command. :)
I think we're a highly jealous breed, and that's behind all of this. I could be wrong, since -naturally-I'm only talking about OTHER women. xo
It's not part of my adult experience, but then maybe they're talking behind MY back!
It often boils down to the fact that women tend to address issues indirectly while men are more direct. The "mean girls" syndrome is very real and very common (and very unfortunate), but you asked why so...
Sociologists will say that men function in hierarchies with clear divisions of power (and clear power struggles).
Women do not. Power among women is more nebulous and very much defined by connection to the group. If you can undermine another woman's connection to the group, you are not only eliminating your competition, but you are forming a bond between yourself and the remaining members. Obviously this logic is flawed, but the fact remains that two people mocking another feel very much as though they are the "in" crowd - as though they share something. Mean girls are mean because they feel that their role in the community or group is threatened.
I think our sense of connection is fading, our sense of security in our communities and relationships is fading and as this trend continues we will see more and more "mean girls" emerging.
Wow - that was awfully long for a first post, but this is a topic I've thought about too. Maybe I should just say: "Fun blog! Hi!" And sign off before I say something too controversial.
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