I Picked Up a Used Recliner. It Came With a Free Gift I Wasn't Expecting.

I wanted to warn you all about something. Be careful picking up used recliners. I brought one home last week. Fancy one, motor and everything. One night I'm watching C-SPAN when I started to hear strange noises — in a language I didn't recognize. I grabbed my flashlight. Batteries were dead. So I went looking for new batteries, stubbing my toes a few times along the way, before I finally just turned on the lights in the house. Found the batteries. Put them in the flashlight. Which I no longer needed. Because the lights were on. Anyway, I go back to the recliner, and I hear an unearthly sound — snoring. Whatever specter inhabits my recliner apparently gets bored easily. So I started singing a Broadway-ready rendition of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat." My recliner entity woke up and took the echo part. I looked underneath, and found the culprit: Kirk the Raccoon. He goes by just "Kirk" — like Adele, or Sting. Turns out he grew up next to a school and picked up some singing along the way. We're going on tour next summer. Hope you can catch us at an IKEA near you.