Saturday, July 31, 2010

Guest Post - Lana 5TEGSK

Ladies and Gentlemen, gather round for some knowledge. Lana from has agreed to grace us today with her, "5 Things Every Guy Should Know," so put down the XBox360 controller and pay attention. Lana, take it away...

I’d like to thank “Dumb Guy” for thinking highly enough of me to ask me to guest blog for him. I hope you don’t think he’s dumber for doing so.

He asked me to contribute “5 things men should know” as my post. I had to laugh. I reminded him that there are more than 5 things men should know about women, and even more they don’t want to know.

As a married woman, with many single friends, both male and female, I do feel qualified to share the following with you some of the things women do and say, and what they mean.

The first one is simple, so pay close attention:

1 ) “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now” means I don’t want to be in a relationship WITH YOU.

2 ) Unless we ask you for help, we really don’t want you to teach us things. And even when we DO ask, we don’t want you to teach us things. We don’t want pointers on how to hold our golf clubs, and we don’t want you to tell us how to change our lasagna so it tastes like you mom’s. You have to remember that the most important man in our life, before you came along, was our dad. Having you tell us the right way to do things is akin to having our dad lecture us. Don’t do it. Even if asked. Instead, offer to get a female friend to go golfing with us to relieve the pressure, or even buy us golf lessons, if golfing with us is important to you. Let’s face it though, you don’t want to golf with us. You want to golf with your buddies and stop by your mom’s house on the way home for a piece of her lasagna.

3 ) Do not text us. Unless you’re 12. And you are our son. Texting is for people who have lost the ability to communicate with any semblance of maturity. We want to hear your voice. We know that communicating isn’t your strong suit, so we appreciate it when we are special enough for you to step out of your comfort zone and call us. Even a call for no reason, just to say “Hello” or “I’m thinking of you” will get you brownie points you didn’t even know you were capable of getting. We see you texting your buddies to make plans or to joke around. We want and deserve to feel different and more special than your friends.

4 ) Women go to nightclubs to dance. Men go to nightclubs to get laid. It’s bad math, right? Seriously, fellas, when you see a group of girls out at a club, leave them alone. Chances are they are out for the first time in months and want to drink, get silly and talk to other women. They’ve been nagged by their kids, their husbands, their bosses ALL week. They don’t want you standing at the edge of the dance floor ogling them. Stop it. Trust me, if they want to talk to you, they will. Let them....if they come to you, you have a better chance of leaving with them instead of them leaving with their friends because of you.

5 ) Don’t say “Hey babe, come and check this out” and then show us your stupid warlock or whatever the hell you’ve created on World of Warcraft, or how well you kill zombies on your xbox game. It’s bad enough that you’re a grown man playing video games. Please don’t further diminish our opinions of your intelligence by pointing it out to us. Plus, we really just don’t care about it. Let’s just continue to pretend we don’t see you playing your games, and you can pretend you don’t see us bringing yet another pair of shoes into the house.

Don’t get me wrong. I love men. I even prefer them to most women I know, but we are such different creatures, men and women. Get to know the woman in your life and you will come out ahead. I guarantee it.


Anything Fits A Naked Man said...

Oh, that was fun! When you really look at how different men and women are, it really IS amazing that we end up married to each other, huh?

Don't tell Lana, but my husband and I text! I'm cool with it!!

Sugarwilla said...

My hubs and I text too. It usually looks like this:

Him: "Honey, can you pick up some shit-tickets and cat food?

Me: "Roger"

Texting is OK once in awhile, I just hope it doesn't replace real communication.

I don't think it's a good way to court someone, though. :)

Dave said...

very interesting but I know it already. :)

Sugarwilla said...

Well, Dave....good start.

But did you know there are about 11-billionty other things you need to know about women before being the perfect mate? ;P

RA said...

Wise words, Lana, wise words! :D

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I learned #2 many, many years ago. She talks, I listen, nothing more! However, I break #5 all the time, and she patiently complies. Only fair, as I'm forced to look at LOL Cats and other cute stuff online that SHE finds.
Oh, and I've never texted in my life!

RAY J said...

Being a married woman, I kinda have to disagree on the texting one... although I guess if you're referring to the dating scene, then yeah okay, don't always text, talk when you can.

Hubby and I text a lot when we're apart - right now he works A LOT so I only get to see him for a few waking hours a day. Texting helps a lot, as he can't just pick up the phone and talk while he's at his jobs (a supervisor at one, where he has to stand there and supervisor, and an assistant manager at another that involves sometimes dealing with customers). He can easily shoot text messages back and forth with me though while we're working.

Also, my friend who doesn't get to see her husband much during waking hours either due to his work hours just recently got texting and she loves it as her and her husband have been texting and communicating so much more than they did before, which she loves - again, with him working as a manager at a store, he can't just pick up the phone and chat with her while he's at work, but between working and supervising he can shoot texts back and forth with her easily. She loves it and she feels like just within the few days they've had it's really helped them with their marriage.

Cheeseboy said...

I think these things are not too much to ask. I do not even have a cell phone, I don't play Warcraft games, I actually dance (not well). Damn, I would make a perfect single guy. It's a shame, really.

Daisygirl said...

haha love the texting one...although I am guilty of it too!

The nightclub one was good too...very few guys can actually dance...actually if they could they would probably get laid! ;)

Hope your weekend is fabulous Jeff! Great guest post!

Sugarwilla said...

Obviously, each relationship has it's compromises, ie. WOW vs LOL Cats and occasional texting.
I am not getting paid for this advice...I'm just speaking from MY experience.
Each couple has to decide what is good for them. If you apply these simple rules at the beginning of a relationship I think that matters.