Saturday, June 12, 2010

Hammock - This day in male history

On this day in male history, the hammock was invented.

A cool way to extricate oneself from the hammock has yet to be invented.

Star Wars Can Help Your Relationships

What Star Wars can Teach You About Dating

Was it a "long time ago" that you had a date? Do your relationships always turn into "the Clone Wars"? Do you new need "A New Hope"?

Hope has returned for you, my Padawan. "Search your feelings, you will know it to be true".

The blockbuster saga not only holds a fantastic story, characters and visual effects, but it also holds dating truths that would make Yoda say, "To this article you listen, yes".

So, without further adieu, "This is Red 5, I'm going in".

"Mudhole, Slimy, my Home This Is"

Guys (and maybe some ladies, too), clean up your place. Sure, bachelor pads may look like garbage mashers on the detention level, but if you want a lady to start coming around, clean it up. If you can use the Force to levitate the pizza boxes, beer cans and junk outside, be my guest, but the Living Force tells me you need to do it the old fashioned way. "Unlearn, what you have learned," and dust off the mop, broom and other cleaning items and go "Vader" on dirt and grime. Don't forget to "wax on, wax off" (oops, wrong trilogy), and as Palpatine would say, "Do not Hesitate. Show no Mercy," and get your pad looking as spiffy as R2 at the end of A New Hope.

"You truly Belong With Us Here in the Clouds"

Look Lando, don't be over "smooth". Ladies hate lines and can smell BS a mile away. Just be you. Well, if you are super geeky, that might not be a good thing. As I said, women have heard every line in the book, so be you. Words are cheap, but when "who you are" shows through, you may have a chance at finding your Princess with or without Cinnamon hair buns.

"Run, Luke Run"

There's no good reason to make a habit of running at the first sign of trouble. People are different, and sometimes they need time to wise up, grow up or own up to things. However, there is wisdom in knowing when to hold on vs. knowing when to "Let go, Luke," and "Run, Luke Run". No reward is worth a bad relationship with the wrong person. Pack up your things, and get out. You may feel lonely after, but its better than living with a person with the personality of a Rancor in or out of a pit.

"No, There is Another"

When the moment comes and you discover that the answer to "Do you think a princess and a guy like me" is no, don't wallow in bantha poodoo. Just get out of there, and know that, "There is an other another". Of course you should get out of there twice as fast if you discover that Princess you've been kissing is your sister, even if you are from the moon of Kentucky. Oh, and if I were Luke, I would've given Yoda and Obi Wan a swift kick somewhere for not fessing up earlier that Leia was his sister. It would have saved lots of difficult conversations that parents and their kids about love stories in the Star Wars saga.

"Would Somebody Get This Walking Carpet Out of My Way?"

Even though you think your are a Princess or whatever, be cool to guys, even if they have a lot of back hair - everywhere. I mean, maybe he could get the hair waxed, plucked or laser removed, and he might be a great Jedi Knight in the making. Even if he doesn't, you will move your hovel one day and you might need some help. You never know how good it will to have a "Walking Carpet" in your corner, moving your stuff, or behind the controls of your starship one day. Just sayin'

"Your eyes can deceive you. Don't trust them."

Guys, even though a lady doesn't meet your list of what a Princess should look like, give it a sit down at a local cantina. You never know how cool she could be, until you spend some time talking to her. Sometimes you need to change your point of view a bit, like Obi Wan taught you, too. Besides guy, have you looked in the mirror lately? Scruffy looking nerfherder is not the look most princesses are after, know what I'm sayin'?

"Mind what you have learned. Save you it can."

Look, no one is "Force"-ing you to take our advice, but get your single Jedi self out there and mingle. Take a chance and get out of the hovel once in awhile and get to know some people. If you can't dance like Oola, then maybe stop by a library (Jedi or not), or go to a race (Podraces are good, if you can find one). "Trust your Feelings," and get out there, but guys for heaven's sake, don't use 'sand' in a pick up line, and don't go to the dark side because you're afraid you will lose your Princess. If you do, you may end up looking like a scary Humpty Dumpty head behind a mask, and that's way worse looking than JarJar.

Note: I'd like to thank Mr. John Cosper (Writer (of all kinds) and very Creative dude) for helping me tweak this article a bit. Thanks, John. He will link this article to his parody dating site, Go check it out!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Hilarious!! Dumb Guy at Disneyland. Must See!

This is real. It was me. The sounds have not be changed. I was injured in the making of this video, but Mickey Mouse was not. Enjoy, and let your friends know.

Oh - Wait a minute!! I found a video taken right after the now famous Hit Head video (see above), and here it is:

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


Men and Women use pillows very differently.

Guys need one pillow to sleep on, that's it. Guys will probably keep the same pillow for 10 years, if they could get away with it (cost efficiency, ya know). Sometimes a guy's pillow will have a pillow case, most times not. A pillow without a pillow case can be alot tree rings, because a guy can trace sicknesses back through time. Just sayin', ladies.

Ladies are not as frugal as men with pillows. They love pillows, all kinds of pillows. The more pillows the better. If you look at most beds women sleep in, there are at least 8 pillows, on average (Canadians, do the metric conversion on that, will ya.).

If you ask a woman why must there be so many pillows, you may get, answers like;

They were in sale,
I like them,
They are cute,
I read about it in a Feng Shui book,
Oprah wanted me to,
One day we might run out of pillows in 2012, and I want to make sure we have enough if the world needs them,
Don't make me say "because" again,

It could be that the your lady has a Cleopatra complex. When the male of the house is gone, she piles the 50 pillows in all shapes and sizes on the bed, and she lies upon them with her bowl of peeled grapes, surveying her domain. Just then, the phone rings, and watching her get down quickly from Mount Throw Pillow without breaking her neck would only be seen by the cat - if the cat were awake.

Heck, I think I know why we have so many pillows on the top of the bed at our house - to protect the bed, just in case the ceiling fan falls down.

That bed was expensive.

How many pillows do you have on top of your bed? Be honest.

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Sunday, June 6, 2010

Can I Get to 1,000 Followers?

Thanks to everyone who has commented and supported this funny blog as it has evolved to what it is today. A smart guy gave me some very good advice one day.

He said, "Jeff, if you want something, just ask," and that's what I'm doing today.

I think I can get at least 1,000 followers. If you currently don't follow, Men are Dumb, and I Should Know, I would ask for you to Click Here to follow, and start today.

I have big plans for this blog, and this is another step toward the goal.

If you currently are a follower, thank you, but I would ask that you would let 2 people know about this blog, and ask them to follow as well.

Thanks for your following, support and great comments in this dream of mine that is unfolding. Oh, and there's nothing magical about the number 1,000. If we go over that, I'll live with it. :)

Thanks again, ya'll.

Dumb Guy reviews Sleepless in Seattle

The guy that was on the Bosom Buddies TV show is a widower. He isn't dealing with it well at work, so he takes some time off of work to go to Seattle. His son called a radio talk show and told the host that his Dad has trouble sleeping because he was lonely. The cute actress that had her face changed to look like the Joker from Batman hears the call, after she takes her fiance to meet her parents, and the story the Bosom Buddies guy and his son got to her.

Joker Face worked with the lady that used to have a talk show started to cook up this plan to get Joker Face to not marry her fiance, and go for the Bosom Buddy guy. It really wouldn't take much for her to leave him, because her fiance is allergic to everything. I guess Bosom Buddy guy takes Claritin. Yeah, Claritin can get the ladies. That is an unscientific opinion, of course.

The funniest lines are between the Bosom Buddy guy and the son, as they went through all the ladies that sent him letters.

Note: Letters are what we used to do before email.

Oh, and there's a funny scene with Meathead from All in the Family and the Bosom Buddy guy, too.

The Bosom Buddy guy starts to go out with some ladies, but Joker Face stalks him a little bit. I know stalking is a serious matter, but usually stalkers are weird looking people. Wait a minute. Okay, got it. Jokerface is stalking. Yup, makes sense.

The son starts hanging around this girl, and they cook up a plan to have the Bosom Buddies guy meet Jokerface on top of the Empire State building on Valentine's Day. Note: She would sneak away from her fiance to do this. That sounds like a Maury Povich show in the making if you ask me.

I've been on blind dates before, and "meet me on top of the Empire State building on Valentine's Day," is the weirdest thing I've ever heard of. It's bad enough waiting at a Starbuck's for someone to not show up, but The Empire State Building? What if the elevator wasn't working, and I had to climb the stairs all the way up. No way. Well, maybe if Jillian from The Biggest Loser was up there, she would actually be happy I would do that, and be all sweating climbing up all those stairs. Heck, she may even buy the coffee on our date (with Equal, of course).

So, Jokerface and the Bosom Buddy guy fall in love. The son was happy, and promised never to call up radio tak shows again.

Ya know at the end there, I really wanted King Kong to crawl up the side of the building and smile at them. That would have been perfect.

Oh right, King Kong couldn't have because he...

Hey, it's a movie and anything is possible, right? I also hope the Allergic fiance finds a nice pharmacist to marry. Just sayin'

Reviewed by Bert