Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Differences Between Men and Women - Dancing


Researchers say that human dancing is part of the mating ritual. When I see just about any female dance, I agree, but when I see most guys dance, I'm shocked that the population grew after Adam and Eve.

First off, when women hear music of just about any kind they start swaying. They get it. They practice with other girls, so they dance "right".

The only time boys dance is when they step in/on something bad (Doggie stuff, Cat puke, a nail in a piece of wood, thorn, broken glass, etc) and those dances are nothing that Francious from "Dancing with the Stars" would give a rousing score to.

To women, going out dancing is an event. They buy clothes for such an event, and maybe some jewelry. They want to look great, and have fun. To women, dancing is a time to go out with friends, or a guy, maybe have a lil "drinky drink" and let off some steam.

To most guys, dancing is a fraught-filled event.

While girls were teaching each other to dance, guys played videogames, set off firecrackers, put tape on cat's tails, and did guy stuff (None of the things helped them to learn how to dance).

So then it happens, the school dance.

He asks the girl, and then the dance crash course begins. He watches MTV (or whichever channel plays videos with dancing in it), and he practices things like the "arm lift" from "Beat it," the "Boob shimmy" from "Love is a Battlefield," and John Travolta' "Racoon Eye" move from Pulp Fiction. He asks his sister, "Pam" to critique his dance moves, and she falls on the floor and laughs so hard, their Mom bursts in and tests her for drugs. After Mom is satisfied her daughter isn't on "the dope," Pam tells her brother (in the nicest way possible) that his dancing is ridiculous. She tells him to move to the beat, and he starts imitate Snoop Dog's "raise the roof" motion, and Pam falls on the ground laughing again. After that, her Mom books the family on Dr. Phil.

But seriously, I'm a guy and I don't get how to dance. I can't move to the music.

I just can't do it.

Maybe if the dance floor was made up of hot coals, or maybe if it was metal and it would shock one foot, then the other, I might learn how to dance. My only hope is to tie strings to my shoes like Pinocchio, and have Paula Abdul high above, pulling the strings.

Paula, please call me.

I got to hand it to guys that know how to dance. Their phones ring off the hook, and they are always out dancing. More power to them, but I couldn't use dancing to go out. I had to use my sense of humor, and I got real lucky with the coolest woman ever.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

TV Remote - This day in male history

On this day, the TV Remote was invented.

It was to be placed in the Smithsonian Institute, but it could not be found.