Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Differences Between Men and Women - Dancing


Researchers say that human dancing is part of the mating ritual. When I see just about any female dance, I agree, but when I see most guys dance, I'm shocked that the population grew after Adam and Eve.

First off, when women hear music of just about any kind they start swaying. They get it. They practice with other girls, so they dance "right".

The only time boys dance is when they step in/on something bad (Doggie stuff, Cat puke, a nail in a piece of wood, thorn, broken glass, etc) and those dances are nothing that Francious from "Dancing with the Stars" would give a rousing score to.

To women, going out dancing is an event. They buy clothes for such an event, and maybe some jewelry. They want to look great, and have fun. To women, dancing is a time to go out with friends, or a guy, maybe have a lil "drinky drink" and let off some steam.

To most guys, dancing is a fraught-filled event.

While girls were teaching each other to dance, guys played videogames, set off firecrackers, put tape on cat's tails, and did guy stuff (None of the things helped them to learn how to dance).

So then it happens, the school dance.

He asks the girl, and then the dance crash course begins. He watches MTV (or whichever channel plays videos with dancing in it), and he practices things like the "arm lift" from "Beat it," the "Boob shimmy" from "Love is a Battlefield," and John Travolta' "Racoon Eye" move from Pulp Fiction. He asks his sister, "Pam" to critique his dance moves, and she falls on the floor and laughs so hard, their Mom bursts in and tests her for drugs. After Mom is satisfied her daughter isn't on "the dope," Pam tells her brother (in the nicest way possible) that his dancing is ridiculous. She tells him to move to the beat, and he starts imitate Snoop Dog's "raise the roof" motion, and Pam falls on the ground laughing again. After that, her Mom books the family on Dr. Phil.

But seriously, I'm a guy and I don't get how to dance. I can't move to the music.

I just can't do it.

Maybe if the dance floor was made up of hot coals, or maybe if it was metal and it would shock one foot, then the other, I might learn how to dance. My only hope is to tie strings to my shoes like Pinocchio, and have Paula Abdul high above, pulling the strings.

Paula, please call me.

I got to hand it to guys that know how to dance. Their phones ring off the hook, and they are always out dancing. More power to them, but I couldn't use dancing to go out. I had to use my sense of humor, and I got real lucky with the coolest woman ever.


RA said...

Geez, what are you whining about! (This said, don't stop, your whining is extremely funny!) You have the answer right there in your text: practise! If girls want to know how to tape a cat's tail, they practise...
What are you waiting for. put on the music and start moving! :D

Pat Tillett said...

Single guys who like to dance and are good at it, are on the prowl...
It's just another pickup line

McVal said...

My husband knows how to Polka... yes. polka. He can slow dance too, but those two are it. Or at least all that he'll admit too.
We go out to eat and movies. It's easier that way.

Daisygirl said...

True dat! Ya know my "can't dance husband" and I had this conversation last week. He asked why I don't dance in front of him more and I said because it would turn you on...and sometimes I just want to dance without the bow chicka bow wow....but hell yes John Travolta can dance and that is hot!

Ya know the problem is guys can't listen to the music...well actually men can't listen period!

Donda said...

Bahahaha! That was funny...poor guy! And you know Phil is going to rip him to shreds! My husband doesn't dance and I only think I can when I have had a little drinky drink! LOL

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Loved this, as usual. I am a female who cannot dance. A former cheerleader, who could not dance. Not a pretty sight. I hated school dances. In fact, in my senior year, I was on the court for homecoming queen. We all had to sign an agreement that we would go to the dance to be on the court (in the running for the title, that is). I was so stressed about the dance I almost gave up. But I went, suffered, and went home title-less. Hated, hated, school dances, and always seemed to be dating a boy who thought he could dance. Finally, I found one who doesn't dance (except for humor) and I married him! Yay! Happily ever after!

Erin said...

How I wish this was true. My hubby could outdance me any day. He has skills. Me, not so much. I look like an idiot!

One of The Guys said...

Of course many of those guys bat for the other team. Just sayin'


We wrote a post on this called, "Moves that paralyze"

In general all guys should learn how to at least keep the beat w/out grinding or doing some crazy hip movement like the dude in "Hitch." Will Smith says, "Don't ever do that again."

Joyfulsister said...

My husband is a musician, but he doesn't dance, I like to watch people dance it can be very entertaining lol.

Try ballroom dancing it can be fun taking lessons and meeting new friends.

Aloha Lorie