Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Getting Ready in the Morning

Much has been said about how long it takes for a Woman or a Man to get ready for just about anything.

Let's be honest, Woman take much longer to get ready than men, but it is worth the wait (imho).

Woman take the same basic shower as a Man, except women use shampoos with ingredients that make Men hungry. Women also use things like Loofah pads, brushes and other contraptions like wash cloths for instance, to get clean. Once a woman emerges from the shower, the transformation begins.

The special cremes and potions come out of their hiding place, and the woman becomes a physicist, painter and designer - at the same time. It is a wonder of nature to watch them tweeze, lay down foundations and powders in layers, like painting the Sistine chapel. They use mirrors that you could spot microbes at the molecular level with to insure they look fabulous at 20x zoom. One the skin is done, the eyes become the next phase. Eyebrows are tweezed with surgical skill, eyelashes are curled, mascaraed and separated. Some use eyeliner for the final touch. Next, the hair.

To a woman, her hair is her greatest friend, or worst enemy. She has already used mystical potions at the hair salon, in the shower and elsewhere to make her like someone who is on television - in HD, no less. The artistic mistress now takes on her sometimes nemesis, her hair. She resembles a brave Jedi with a light sabre hilt in her hand to vanquish the hair that has been seduced by the Bad Hair day of the Sith. She straightens and curls, Curls and straightens. She has no less than 3 types of hair sprays, and uses the force of Aqua Net to bend her hair to her will and sassy style. The battle rages, until Lady Jedi or Sith Hair relinquishes power.

If the Lady Jedi prevails, she can rule the world that day. If the Sith hair wins, the Lady Jedi will tell the tale of the battle to all that will hear it, and put on a hat.

Men try to take a bath or shower at night or in the morning. After the shower, a circle is created by his hand on the steamy mirror to see his face. It is possible he will notice nose hairs that protrudes out of his nose holes, but probably not. He puts on too much cologne, and rushes out into the day and nose hair trimmer that waits for him back at the house. Tomorrow he may realize he has a unibrow, but probably not.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Dumb Guy of the Moment Awards

In no particular order...

1. Tiger Woods


2. Jesse James


I think I see Waldo in there. Seriously, dude...

Sandy would have got temporary tatoos for ya, I'll bet. Dude.

3. Joe Biden


Watch the video again.

4. Head of BP, Tony Hayward.


Seriously, you don't know?

5. It's Your Choice

[Photo removed]

Leave your suggestions in the comments and why. NOTE: Please don't be racist, keep the language family friendly, and let's not turn it into a political debate. Thanks.

So, who would you nominate for the Dumb Guy of the moment?