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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Stacy Knows Men are Dumb

I want to thank Stacy from http://stacyknows.com for featuring a post from me. Stacy, you rock. :)

10 Ways a Woman Knows a Man is a Man

1. Eating. Men think they when they eat, people can’t see them. Men begin eating on a very clean table, but when they are done, it looks like a food and drink tornado has occurred directly over their heads. It is a shock that any man can hide from anyone, because you just follow the spills, crumbs and abandoned potato chips to see him looking at you, asking, “What?” Men won’t readily admit it, but they don’t really know what to do with the cloth napkin is for. Magic Tricks at the table? Make the check disappear? Hmmm, that’s not a bad idea.

2. Cleanliness. Men think they are the cleanest people in the world, until they meet a female. To a guy, a clean house means that he can get from the door to the TV, and then to bed with only tripping once or twice. To them; clutter is art, dust is a friend, and washing clothes once a week is a suggestion, not a must. Handing a man a mop is like handing him something from another planet. He doesn’t know how to use it, but then starts to balance it on his finger and walk around the house saying, “Huh? Look at this. See, I’m the balance master.”

3. Gas (not for your car). Men are tall 14-year old boys. I sincerely believe that, and I am a man. Men believe that their bodies double as musical devices (they forget about the aroma that accompanies said “musicality”), and they love to share it. Men have battles of “butt burps” often, and if the Olympic Commision would see the worldwide value, farting would be an Olympic sports. If they added it, the event would have to take place far from the Olympic flame.

4. Style of Dress. Men rarely think about “what goes with what,” they are far more interested in what fits. They would wear flip-flops to a wedding on or off the beach. They feel tuxedos are a fancy looking strait jacket, and would rather wear big shorts and a concert shirt to a wedding. Seriously, they would.

5. Gift Choices. Men don’t possess the understanding of knowing what a lady wants or needs when choosing a gift. They buy something they like, and hope that love will put them in a spell of liking it. True personal story here, I went to a store to buy a Christmas gift for my wife. As I entered the women’s clothing section, I saw it – a purple sweater. Purple, yes that’ll be perfect. Prince, the artist who is now know as Prince again, likes purple (ya know, Purple Rain), and women like Prince’s music. It’s perfect. I bought it, and gave it to her proudly. She opened it, acted surprised and then I never saw the sweater again. Turns out, there are many other gifts I bought on a whim, that were strike outs. Thank goodness she loves me beyond my gift choices. I ask her for specific lists now. Much better.

Go read the rest at http://stacyknows.com, and leave a comment and let her know Jeff from Men are Dumb sent you.

5 comments:

Cheeseboy said...

You mean I am not invisible when I eat?! I thought I had at least that superpower going for me.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

We also eat whatever is placed before us. One of these days my wife is gonna get me with that.

Marlene said...

Hey - can't fault you on the purple sweater! Purple is my favorite color, so I probably would have liked it!

Laughing out loud about the olympic flame/farts!!! (Don't tell anyone, but I love fart humor!)

RA said...

Thanks to powers that be I know several guys not fitting into your man-category. Not gay, either. :)

Jessa Irene (Holiday-Haven) said...

(I have an award for you on my blog today)