Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Engagement Ring: Part 2

The last time I brought this up the world almost ended;

A digital near-fist fight on Facebook broke out,
I lost FB friends,
and I had to drag a friend out of the melee.

So, of course I have to bring it up again.

I want to show you the different ways Men and Women view a situation. The situation - regifting an engagement ring. I already sense blood pressure rising - hear me out.

Men buy an engagement ring as a symbol that means, "I want to marry the girl I ask," Women sees the ring as, "You want to marry me," totally different views.

So, let's say a guy buys an engagement ring (which aren't cheap, in any economy btw) and asks a woman to marry him. Let's say she says 'yes', then the relationship breaks up before the marriage and she gives the ring back (It can happen). Here is where men and women diverge in their thinking.

Men hold an engagement ring in their hand. They are ready to ask the next woman they want to spend the rest of their life with, because the ring is an Engagement Ring. It is used to ask for an Engagement. Women see it differently.

Women have the idea that if you scrimp, save or put your credit in jeopardy and use a credit card to get the biggest ring you can afford (So you look good to her and her ring-comparing friends), and you give it to someone, and the relationship breaks up - the ring goes bad.

I'm not sure if there are cooties from the girl who ended up saying 'no,' and giving the ring back, but according to most women, the guy MUST get another engagement ring if he is to ever ask another woman to marry him.

Guys just don't understand that - at all. Guys look at the ring, and see a ring that is used for engagement, and is either paid for or will be paid for in 10 years or so. A guy would have no issue in asking something else to marry him with the ring he bought for someone else.

Women would have a conniption fit if they found that out, but a guy would do it. Maybe a guy could keep it a secret, and could go "Social Network silent" on it, because women have been know to search back through posts and tweets to see if the ring is new or not.

Men are very simple and practical. An engagement ring can be used for anyone.

Women are different, they hold a feeling that the ring is like an enchanted charm that is "meant" for someone, and it expires if the relationship goes bad.

So, what do you think? Can an engagement ring be re-gifted to someone else? I'll be under the table with the Kevlar vest on.

Robbie, you're on your own this time.


Eric said...

I totally understand where you're coming from. I just don't know if I'm with you 100%. I bought the engagement ring I did for a particular girl I intended on marrying. If she gave it back to me, I don't know if I would have regifted it. But I could have if I was in that situation because the idea would have come up from a family member or friend.

Is it all about the money? Because if it's not, lets say you bought clothes for your girlfriend and broke up before you have them to her, would you give those clothes to your new girlfriend?

Connie Moreno said...

OK, here goes....

I say the guy has every right to use the diamond again. Notice I said diamond. He should have it put in a different setting for the next woman AND NOT SAY A WORD. It's a new ring. I would have no problem with this arrangement.

My first husband used OUR wedding bands when he remarried. Tacky.

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SSW said...

This is a great "Don't Ask Don't tell" situation...if we don't ask then by no means should you tell! Oh and if we ask you should LIE LIE LIE! It isn't about the money it's about feeling like we were the only one! Yes we know we weren't but flatter us! lol

vickilikesfrogs said...

I think if the woman helped to pick the ring out, then HELL NO, it should NOT be recycled for the next woman. However, if the guy picked it out all by himself, then what the hell. I just wouldn't advertise the fact to the new woman if I were you. Not all women are as awesome as me!

And P.S. There ARE quite a few women out there who view the ring as a gift, in which case you're probably screwed. Especially if YOU broke up with HER. Sorry!

Sugarwilla said...

It grosses me out when I hear women squealing about going ring shopping, or when they drag their man into a jewelry store to "just look" so they can manipulatively demand what kind of ring they get.

For the ring to be a symbol of how much a man loves a woman is ridiculous. The bigger = the more he loves me? Get over it.

As for recylcing the ring; provided the man gets it back if they don't get married or they get divorced ( and if they divorce, in most cases it's considered a gift and she keeps it) I think it is just fine to reset the ring and regift it.
Diamonds are expensive. Why should a man be left on the hook for a second diamond if his first efforts didn't work out. Why should he incur even more debt?

Woman that put more emphasis on the ring or the wedding than they do the marriage embarrass me as a woman.

It's a material object.

Sugarwilla said...

P.S. The MAN is recycled too. I'd be more worry about THAT.

Marlene said...

Aaack. No, a man should never "regift" an engagement ring. He can quietly take the diamond and have it put into another setting, and I don't see an issue with that. In fact, that's exactly what I did when my ex-hubby and I divorced. Loved my ring, but didn't want the memories of that marriage on my I had the diamond put into another setting - and the ring looks entirely different. No more reminders! Got to keep the beautiful ring. Win-win.

Regina said...

I agree with a previous commenter. You have to put the stone on a new ring. Generally exes are psycho am I not right? Would you want to wear something a psycho wore? Just saying. It's like if your wife gave you a shirt for your anniversary and it turned out to be a shirt she gave an ex but he gave back to her. So not cool right?

andru said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Men Are Dumb. I Are One. said...

From @arleigh on Twitter, "too much focus on the symbol, not enough focus on the relationship itself. we didn't exchange rings. still together 13+ yrs."

Kathy Capezzuto said...

Lol.... OK I worked in a pawn shop for years, selling buying and whole selling diamonds. I hate to disappoint you ladies.... your diamond isn't new, it wasn't just yours... chances are it was on another woman's hand or in another piece of jewelry. How many of you purchased a ring with the trade in trade up program at kays or any other store in the mall... well they don't just throw your old stone away. It goes in a new setting and so on. That's my retail side of this.. here's the woman's opinion side... If he cheats keep the ring, if not give it back. As for re gifting a ring, put it in a new setting....don't be an idiot!