When a guy goes with a group of ladies to a lunch or dinner, there are many rituals that happen, and they all are weird.
1. The late person. Normally female, that calls, or 3 people try and call her, and get the play by play saga about a search for a lost shoe, a boyfriend who’s being a jerk, or a car story on the phone. Anyway, minutes later, she rushes in, kisses and hugs those who are probably in her top friends on Facebook list, then she sits down. We now hear the story again, this time with facial expressions, hand motions and a “Southern Gospel Preach and Respond” motif when she says, “You know what I mean,” and the other ladies respond, “Yes, Yes I do”. Theater and food, and now the guy has to find a way to sneak back into work, because of Willamina Shakespeare’s matinee performance.
2. The clothing comments. The table turns into a Tim Gunn-athon (Only much nicer, to their faces). “That’s such a cute top,” “Where did you get those earrings?”, "Hey, the 80's called and they want their Crimper back (Sorry, I threw that in for fun)," all the while the guy’s stomach is growling and he considers his next place of employment, or career choices.
3. The choosing of what to order. I don’t think Adam ate much (He’s very skinny in all the paintings, right?), because Eve had all that food to choose from, and that’s why she ate the apple, because Adam was tired of waiting for her to decide, and then he said, “Eat whatever you want,” then the talking serpent took it from there, and we know where that ended up. Oh, back to the lunch stuff now.
Keep in mind, these women have ate at this restaurant before. They probably have the menu memorized (along with the storyline and episode number of every Friends episode, as well), but it takes a female an excruciating amount of time to choose what they want to eat. Guys take about 10 seconds (20 seconds at the Cheescake Factory) to look at a menu, and choose. Females look, scrutinize, and ponder how the choice they make will look to everyone else at the table ("That one time I ordered Chicken, Susie made that weird face. No Chicken, No Susie weird face. Sigh. What about Steak? Nope, Tammy was a vegetarian for 2 weeks for that guy she met at the Oxygen bar, and the last time she talked about him, she threw a chair. Nope, no steak…"). Then, a few minutes (Who am I kidding, lots of minutes later), the question comes, “What’s everybody gonna order?” Then as the answers come, more thinking and changing of minds as the discussion goes on and on, and on. The waiter finally arrives, and the planets align and the ladies make – a decision, and the meal really gets interesting.
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5 comments:
See, that's why I don't do lunch with a large group of gals! ;)I'm a one on one type of luncher. Women are a different breed for sure, and I'm included. But I'm more of a guy's girl here.
Love your blog and look forward to more of your musings!
This is good stuff! I have read a lot of books on dating, marriage and esp. MEN. I will be back to learn more soon! Thanks! ~ Coreen
Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it.
I hate to say it, but I am beginning to think you need some new girl friends. The ones you keep describing sound annoying as all get out. Uggh, how do you stand them?
You forgot an incredibly important detail. It matters not how many women there are at the table, one has to go to the bathroom, they all go. You might be the only guy there, you might even be listening to their multiple conversations, and then all of a sudden, you're wondering how flies can land on the ceiling cause you're alone. I swear, one time a lady at a dinner table in a restaurant with a group of other people stood up to brush some crumbs off her dress, all the women at the table stood up. She said, ''No girls, sit down. False alarm.''
Men don't do that. You never hear a man say to another man, "Hey, let's go to the men's room."
"I think you better go by yourself."
I've also seen women get up, go from the table to the bathroom en masse, and come back to the table with more than they left with!! Women meet new friends in the bathroom! I knew a girl one time, met her best friend in the bathroom.
Men also don't do this. You're in a men's room and you walk up to another man and say "Hey, how you doing?", you're just setting yourself up for a busted face!
One day I would love, Jeff, to hear you and Colleen do a show exploring the mysteries of the public restrooms and why they hold such allure for some folks, men and women.
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