Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The Difference between Men and Women #79 - Time

It's 'Time' to Set the Record Straight

(Many Women in My Life) say “Come on, let’s go,” so I go outside and wait by the car. I keep waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Finally I feel like I’m on Punk’d, and go back inside, and the (Woman I am referencing this example for) is on the phone talking to (The female that we are on our way to see), so I say “Let’s Go,” I get a scowl from the woman, and then she says, “We’re leaving right now”.

Leaving right now.

Leaving – right – now.

I (and I humbly suggest most guys) hear, “We are leaving right this moment, I mean right now, this absolute millisecond,” unfortunately that not what it means to a woman (imho).

I believe when a woman says, “Come on, we are leaving right now,” it really means, “Hey, goofy guy. You stop what you are doing that’s fun, and get out of the house, because I have about 30 minutes more of running around here doing stuff that I don’t want you to see, so I want YOU to be ready when I *really* am ready to leave”.

Seriously, look out your window on a holiday and see how many men are waiting – by themselves – by the car, for an extended period of the time.

In the summer, I finally got smart, and unlocked the car and sat inside sweating (and counted that toward exercise. Sweating = Exercise, right?).

I guess time to a woman is graded on the curve (of which I don’t know the percentage), or it’s a weird metric system time conversion. Not sure, just sayin’.

Yes, guys are slow to get going, but they never (to my knowledge) announce they are leaving, send a woman outside to wait, then suffer the consequences of making a woman wait. That is a pain you don’t want to endure.


Woman are late all the time. Hee hee, okay not all the time, but 99.999999999% of the time.

Guys are late, too, but when guys are late, there isn’t a Shakespearean saga story that is told when the woman finally arrives somewhere.

Leaving any get together (especially a party)-

Oh my god. This is the worst. See, we already discussed a woman’s difficulty articulating the correct time of leaving, it is 1000 times worse leaving a get together.

“Come on honey, we're leaving,” so again, the dumb guy that actually listens, stands up and waits by the door, or goes outside in the cold – waiting.

Women have about 100 rituals that they have to do to complete the whole leaving process;

1. Say goodbye to every single person in the house/restaurant/beach/wherever,

2. Each person she says good bye to has a deeply involved (long) discussion about something that they had ALL NIGHT to tell them, but no - they need to go over some story like a CSI investigator with the woman who is leaving (with a guy waiting outside),

3. Hugging and Kissing the ladies goodbye. Okay, maybe there is time for that.

Read more of this article HERE


Chris in MN said...

This is SO HILARIOUS!!! I was laughing all the way through. A friend of mine says I have "separation issues," meaning that I can't just get up and leave, there's all sorts of rituals to go through first. You've proven that it's not just me!
Thanks for your blog. It would be a great stand-up comedy routine! You really should try to sell these to comedy central or something. said...

Is there a quick way to share this on Twitter?

Aha! It's The Obnoxious SAHM said...

ha ha well... in my case, its ME that is always waiting in the car with the kids. he always says, go get the kids in the car and I'll be right out...

oh REALLY??!! one day I actually waited (not so patiently) for 40 minutes.

have mercy.

now i just refuse and wait for him to go first.

Sugarwilla said...

I must be the exception, not the rule.
Ever read the book " The Pokey Little Puppy"?
That is my husband.
I am forever waiting for him.

Charla said...

Sorry, Jeff. In our house, it's me with the keys and Bill keeping me waiting. I am a "hate to be late" kinda gal and he is MUCH more laid back about arrival times. You know the one about being late to your own funeral? Yea, that's him.

kristi said...

I am always in the car, and so are the kids and hubby is checking his clothes/beard, whatever.
We are the exception I guess.

kristi said...

LOL, I just read the other comments. Too funny!