Women's Health: The Wedding Workout
Woman view most things as a possible paparazzi moment, including working out.
Women have a workout outfit. Colors match and it passes the "cute" test. They have workout shoes. Shoes, specifically for working out (maybe they're Scotch Guarded, so the sweat beads roll off them). A guy wouldn't know where to look for "work out" shoes. Normally they would be very expensive and that would cut into Xbox game money, and we can't have that, can we?
Women have a workout bag. That is a foreign concept to a guy. A guy will use any bag handy (no matter what was in it originally), and not think about buying a bag just for one purpose.
Inside this workout bag are workout items. I really don't know what constitutes “workout items,” but I guess it's like carrying your swords and armor for Worlds of Warcraft. If the gym is invaded by Orcs, the ladies will be ready. However, inside a women’s workout bag resides colorful water bottles, mp3 player, color-coordinated (with the outfit) earphones, and specific workout towels. A guy would just grab a towel from the car that he hopes he didn't check the oil with, and a water bottle that he hopes indeed has water in it.
Women get to a particular workout machine and they make it their own. It's a bit like a boyfriend's apartment. Out comes the water bottle, the mp3 player set just so, the towel draped ever so daintily, and they begin the workout. Even though their friends know they are working out and they call them anyway. So, women being the Masters of multi-tasking, can; walk on the ski machine, use the arm handles, talk on the phone to 3 friends about how dumb the last American Idol was, dab their foreheads when sweat beads up, smile at Trevor (the cute personal trainer that harasses people to sign up with him), and do all that with a style and grace that men can never achieve.
Men have strange notions about fitness. They go once every 6 months, overdo it, then take another 6 months off to “heal their muscles”. Men also feel that just buying a gym membership or buying the P90X DVDs will actually get them fit. All the while they figure the laundry detergent is shrinking their clothes (so they just stop washing them while they find a non-shrinking detergent). They buy a gut crusher device from an infomercial, never use it except to hang clothes on it, or balance pizza boxes on it (its art and a game, rolled into one).
I remember one time a guy was going into the gym, only to see a guy wheeled out into an ambulance, and the guy going into the gym said – out loud – "So, that means there's a bike open now, right?" Yep, it was me that said it. Sorry. Just keeping it real.