Wednesday, June 30, 2010


Pedicures have been a secret for women for a long time, well it was time for me to experience one for myself. My wife gave the okay, and drove me to the special location.

I walked in, and it looked like a brothel for the non-naughty places of your body.

Ladies rubbing on other ladies. Trimming, soaking, scraping, painting, buffing, drying - all done by people wearing surgical masks and surgical gloves on. It was like a David Lynch hospital or something.

Wow. I asked my wife if we were in the right place, and she said yes. I rubbed my hands together, and I said "Lead the way!".

I had to daintily (and with my body, that ain't easy) hop onto a chair perched over the foot soaking tub. I did, and that brought cheers and an award from the customers in the shop.

The lady with the surgical mask put my feet in the soaking tub (Note: I took of my shoes and socks, first, btw), and then she turned on the massaging chair. The rollers were great, but then the shaking started. I didn't like the shaking. I wore a striped shirt, and my stomach was shaking so much, I was making the customers dizzy. They took back the award.

So, the lady in the surgical mask took one foot out, and started trimming, cutting and scraping my foot. Normally, I'm pretty ticklish on my feet, but with a woman wearing a surgical mask holding sharp surgical devices an inch or two from my feet. I learned to not be ticklish, and it wasn't easy.

Then, something really weird happened. She put my foot in a bag filled with hot wax. The minute my foot hit the wax, I woke up from the bliss of the massage. Did I scream like a girl? Not til I got in the car after we left. It was hot, but I didn't want to let the other people in the shop know. The lady asked, "Too hot?" I answered like Steve Martin in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels after Michael Caine hit his legs with the lily stalks, "No".

She set a timer, and started massage my feet, legs and other non-naughty parts. OMG. I tried to reach around with my other foot and add more time to the timer, but I couldn't. It was Heaven, if Heaven wore a surgical mask.

Well, the pedicure came to an end. The lady said she "buffed" my toenails, and didn't put any clear nail polish on it (I think she lied, though). So, my wife and I stumbled out like half asleep zombies and the ladies still in the chairs Tweeted, "So, this big guy came came in for a pedicure today..."


Anonymous said...

I think most men would be more addicted to pedicures than women if they just tried it.

The Dirty Rotten Scoundrels reference just made my morning. ;-)

Daisygirl said...

oh my gosh have you gone METRO???
Love it! I can't do the pedicure thing because having my feet touched is well a turn on...every seen the Friends episode where Monica gets a massage? ME!

HOT wax...ouch!

Julie said...

omg...this is HILARIOUS..hahah. i am glad you enjoyed your pedi, now you know why its a must for us ladies.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You are one brave man...

Hoping I sent some new people your way today!

Watery Tart said...

*gigglesnort* You SO have clear toenail polish on!

I love a guy who isn't afraid to pamper his inner princess...

Raquel Byrnes said...

I was getting a manicure when a husband and wife came in to the salon. He looked like he was afraid of getting kicked out at any moment. He was too big for the chairs, kept hitting his elbows on the armchair's side tables, and must have winced an apology 20 times.

When the lady started massaging his feet his eyes kept darting to his wife as if unconvinced this whole trip wasn't some sort of "Cheaters" Television trap.

So funny. You were very brave and secure in yourself to venture into the women's version of a sports bar.

kirstenwright said...

Seriously agree with Lolidots. Men don't know what they are missing...and now I want a pedicure!

Marlene said...

I seriously think I'm the only woman alive who has never had a pedicure...and now I've been one-upped by a man.

(No, I don't want one, either....I hate strangers touching my feet...ha! ISSUES.)

P.S. My feet look great....for feet.

middle child said...

you're fun!

Kelley said...

I laughed out loud at the part about the stripes on your shirt making the ladies around you dizzy. Ha! I'm so impressed that you went into the tame brothel-like facility for a pedicure. I don't think that is so "dumb". Don't be so hard on yourself with that blog name! Kidding... Definitely think you should keep it.