Dumb Guy Reviews Moulin Rouge!

Moulin Rouge! (2001)

First off, I've never taken drugs, but this movie made me feel like I did. All the colors and weird people, anyway here goes.

So, the guy that played young Obi Wan was a writer, and he live in a full scale Miniature Golf course. 

 

So, there was this club that had Tom Cruise's Ex lowered in a swing from the ceiling (like Teddi Berra from Country Bear Jamboree) of the dance club.

Then there was this crazy party in the apartment above where Young Obi Wan guy was living and some weirdos fell in through his roof. Now, I don't know what kind of building code a semi-miniature golf course windmill thingy dance club area has, but if I was the young Obi Wan guy, I would have moved somewhere else. The Death Star was made of metal. Wait, there is the exhaust ports that any passing fighter can blow up. I guess he should stay in the apartment with a hole in the roof, and take his chances.

Then the weird people that fell in through his roof got him to write a play with him. The Young Obi Wan guy is very forgiving about the roof cave in. That's cool, I guess. Then they arranged a hook up between Young Obi Wan and Tom Cruise's Ex. She lived in an elephant. Not a real one. Come on, people. That's gross.

So, Young Obi Wan went up to ya know, and then he blows it and says he wants to read her poetry. Dude, really. A woman that looks like this, in an elephant apartment, with beds everywhere, and you want to read her poetry. Really?

I would have used Jedi mind tricks, and... Well anyways.

Then this guy with bad teeth came in. Young Obi Wan hid, and then Bad Teeth guy wanted to get busy with Tom Cruise's Ex, then the roof cave in guys came in, too. Now, I know what you're thinking. There was no "getting busy" going on, but they did a musical play. I know. Weird, huh.

There was so much singing in this movie. It was like a musical, or something. The bad stuff was that they sang other people's songs. I hope Bono and Sting don't find out, or someone will get sued. The Postman will pull on the elephant's trunk to let Tom Cruise's Ex know she had a summons. Hey, maybe the Postman... Nevermind.

So, Young Obi Wan and Tom Cruise's Ex fall in love, between singing, but Bad Teeth Guy doesn't want a Jedi to be her booty call, and threatens to breath on him or something.

Oh yeah, they drank this green stuff. It looked like Limeade from Sonic. I guess the first Sonic was built behind the windmill thingy.

So, there was a big dancing scene, and Tom Cruise's Ex started to get really sick. They said she had "consumption," and I think she got sick from consuming those Limeade drinks.

I don't want to give away the ending, but maybe next time, Young Obi Wan might want to use the Force to figure out a better place to live with a strong roof, and fall in love with a different Teddi Berra woman that doesn't have a Bad Teeth Guy stalking her. Just sayin'

Reviewer: Bert