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Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Boob Confusion

Women have so many creams, potions and contraptions to change their appearance, it would be shocking if someone recognized a woman without makeup and the other accouterments on. Makeup, I understand. I wasn't in an 80's band, so I didn't use makeup, and girls had to like me for what was inside.

Sigh, college was a lonely time. Anyways...

Boobs are wondrous things. Boobs are just about the coolest creations God ever did. Well, that and the Grand Canyon. Naps, too. I'll stop.

Anyway boobs are great, but you ladies use trickery sometimes, and I know it. Some call it "bra magic", but it confuses me.

See, one day a ladies boobs would one be size, and I go, "Hey, awesome," then the next day they are doubled the size. Now, I'm wondering if a boob job can be done at lunchtime somewhere, and say, "Okay, there's more to admire," and then the next day, they are back to the original size.

Ladies, it's very confusing.

It's almost like you are a very attractive, non-green Hulk, but only one part of your body grows for a day. It's not when you're mad either. I've made you laugh, and they are still the 'other' size.

I mean, I could set pictures of you ladies side by side, and study them like the Zapruder film to find your boobial metamorphisis, but my wife would pop me in the back of the head. Anyways...

Look, ladies just be who you are. If you really want to wear bras with water, foam, air, chicken feathers, or packing peanuts in them to enhance your boobiness, go ahead. I would ask that you also wear a shirt stating, "Objects may seem larger than normal," and I think we'll be cool with that. Guys will read your shirt, and smile at you, as if to say, "Hey, thanks for enhancing the boobage, but we like em anyway you got em".

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5 comments:

Melissa J. Cunningham said...

You sound like my husband. We were talking about boob jobs once and he said, "If it costs the same either way, why don't you all just go as big as you can?"

Nice.

Incidentally, I don't have a boob job. I'm all natural, but the older I get, the more I wonder...

River said...

I never needed a "bra magic" but I agree. As a bi woman when you like a girl and everything is indeed magical and you undress the beautiful creature come on I really find "surprizes" a turn off. That's just me though. I don't care what your boob size is just don't make me expect something and then oops... Not cool.

Jeff said...

HAHA...thank you thank you thank for putting into words what I have always thought ;-)

The Drama Mama said...

Haha. This is awesome. I'm just happy to have some support for my girls.

Connie Moreno said...

LOL, very funny post!!! (And I agree with you, hardly any of the women I know are satisfied with what came naturally.)