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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Top Five Danger Questions and Answers for Guys

Relationships are great, but they can be dangerous as well. Women constantly want to know things - all kinds of things, and so they ask questions - all kinds of questions. There are 10 questions you must be careful on how you answer, and we are here to help.

5. Question: What are you thinking about?
Answer Notes: Women want to be what's on a guys mind all the time, so this question is a bit of a pop quiz for a guy. So guys, avoid a gotcha moment, and prepare.

Possible Answer: (pause, like you are revealing something 'deep down') "You know what I'm thinking about? What to get you for your birthday (or Christmas, Valentine's Day, whatever is coming up soon). I get the same thing for you all the time, and it just bugs me". Sure, she might say, "Yeah, right" at first, but then she will pause and ask, "You're really worried about that?" "Sure. I mean, our relationship is worth more than the same gift all the time, isn't it?" She should be taken aback by your response, and begin to give you ideas. For Heaven's sake guys, write them down. Note: Gotcha moment diffused, and the table have turned on her. You're welcome.

4. Question: If I died, who would you date (or marry)?
Possible Answer: "How can you say that?" "What? I was just wondering," "Do you know how hard it is for one soul mate to find another?" "Well, uh, it was easy for us," "Yes, because I found all the wrong soul mates before you, and now you ask about me losing you. How can you ask that?" "I, uh, I don't know, I was just wondering," "Who would you date (or marry) if I died? How's that?" "Look, I was just wondering," "See, you won't answer"... Again, you're welcome guys.

3. Question: Do I look fat in this?
Possible Answer: "No," "No, I am, you're just saying that," "Hey, you don't trust my judgment?" "Well, no...but," "But what? "You're just saying that. You have to," "No I don't. See, Madison Avenue has you hoodwinked. Let me show you something," She will be thrown off by this, but stand up and walk over to her. More than likely she is standing in front of the mirror, so turn her away from the mirror, "The mirror lies, honey. All the ads are made to crush your self-esteem. Look at me," You may have to lift her chin to look in her eyes, "I'm not a mirror, and I'm not an ad on TV, so you can trust me when I say, you look fantastic". Note: You may have to take an acting class, because you might laugh at any point of your speech. Stay in the moment, and you can escape this danger question alive.

2. Question: Are my friends (or sister) cuter than me?

Answer Note: If you dated her friends or her sister, you're on your own.

Possible Answer: "Honey, where is this coming from?" "Uh, I, uh just wanted to know," "What's behind this?" "Uh, nothing, I uh was just wondering," "What's really going on, here?" This should go on awhile, but never answer honestly - never.

1. Question: Where is this relationship going?

Possible Answer: This never went well for our staff of researchers. You are on your own with this one. Good luck.

Are there any other questions?

10 comments:

Will Burke said...

Closely linked to #2 is "what do you think of my friend. I gotta hit somewhere between "she's a busy-body twit who drives me to drink" and "what a sweetheart! We need more pictures of her around."

Pat Tillett said...

I always respond to these questions, with "are you hungry?" or "I'm going to go make a sandwich, you want one?" You can't win, so I don't bother anymore...

GREAT post....

jsevenup said...

Hi Jeff,

Thanks for following my blog and I have to say, the title of your blog is a great draw for curious surfers. :)

Very funny questions! I quit asking if I was fat cause I know a lie always follows that one. :P

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Maybe I'm too blunt, but I always answer #5 with the truth - "Nothing!"

Matty said...

I've been on the receiving end of a few of these questions. Not only does your answer matter, but whether or not you hesitate in responding is equally critical. Trust me, I know.

Cheeseboy said...

Oh yes. You nailed all of these. I tried that if I died one on my wife once and it totally backfired. I am a jealous person and she said an X boyfriend. I was ticked.

Daisygirl said...

haha oh I am rolling....what are you thinking about is definitely # 1, oh and the if I died would you marry/date again one...Ya I have asked it!

Kelley said...

That is hilarious!! So, so true...all of it. I liked how you highly advised men to never answer that last question. Ha! I love also how you said for men to say they were thinking about what to get their women for the next gift-giving occasion. Hahaha!! I'd die if my husband said something like that. I would think his body was inhabited by an alien or something. Loved this post! :)

vickilikesfrogs said...

I'm still cracking up over #3! If you can say all that without laughing your fool head off, then you are one heck of a guy! And if MY husband ever says it, I'M gonna know he's been reading your blog!

Shadow said...

no no no! i hate being asked trick questions like these, so i tend to not ask them either. its unfair. there never is a correct answer.