Friday, March 19, 2010

A funny story - The Four Way Stop #fb

The Four Way Stop
an original story by Jeff Roney

I think we all have good parts of us, and bad parts of us. When children are 2 years old, the good parts are still on layaway or something. Honestly, I think people try to be good, like at a 4-Way stop. When you pull up to see another car, your good side comes out, and motions that the other car can go. The other person looks back and smiles, and motions for you to go. You look back, quizzically, because this the other driver doesn't realize you are trying to score some extra points with God here. You motion again for the other car to go. The other driver motions for you to go. Well, now you feel silly.

I mean, you could have gone already, Mr. "Motioner" would have still sat there while you could have gone 10 times by now.

Then you pull out, and the other car pulls out at the same time.

You shake you head, as coolly as you can, without Mr. "Oblivious" not noticing. You summon as much inner strength as you can, and smile, and slowly motion him to go. He motions for you to go, and its like a cruel time machine has taken you back 10 minutes, but now you have to go pee 100 times more.

You pull out, and so does he at the same time. Only this time you both hit the breaks a little too hard and you hear squeals. For the first time in this standoff, a scowl begins to form on your mouth, and you notice a similar scowl on the other driver as well. You don't back up where you should be, and neither does he. It's a little like war, and you keep the ground you gained. You look up at him, and instead of a nice motion to go, you snappily point at him, then snappily point in the direction he should go. His scowl grows, and he repeats the same gesture to you. The gift of kindness is now re-wrapped in a command, and neither will do what the other driver is telling the other to do.

The scowling and not moving continues.

The two cars ease out, as if mirrorish reflections of each other.

Now the scowls include a nod, as if to say "Okay, doofus. You're not taking my "good happy face," then how about this. You hit your horn, and motion sternly for him to go. He honks twice, and does the same.

Just then, the Oscar Mayer Weiner mobile drives up to one of the other stops signs. I had never said the OMW Mobile up close.

It was like seeing a Unicorn, an honest lawyer, or the Edge (the guitarist from U2) without a hat or beanie on - this was an amazing event.

So, I stare for awhile, a hybrid car with 2 girls eating what looked like Tofu candy, pull up behind me and start honking at me.

That snapped me out of my 4 way fog. So, me and Mr. Motioner tell Weinee driver to go. He does and breaks down right in the middle of the street.

I mean right in the middle of the intersection.

I guess the wheel bearings went out, and smoke was billowing up from the middle, and it was an amazing site.

I was looking at a large Oscar Meyer Weiner in the middle of the intersection with smoke billowing up making it look like it was fresh out of the oven hot dog.

I tweeted the pick, then the Tofu twins really started getting upset and throwing pomegranate seeds at my car. I craned around the now non-mobile hot dog, and met Mr. Motioner's eye, and we realized that we didn't wanted to be weenies, too. We waved to each other, turned our cars around and went another way.

I learned alot that day.

Then I had to change my Twitter password twice, because the Tofu Twins hacked my account.

Let it go, girls. Let it go.

The End.

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Kari said...

I think I had this dream once. Me at a four way stop with the Oscar mobile and being hacked on twitter.

Daisygirl said...

What a story! Seriously love how you compared the wiener car to a unicorn!
I hate 4 way stops and I hate people who try to be nice and motion you to go when really they should go!

skoots1mom said...

will be keeping my eye on you...too funny...loved your post!